Mr Methane inspires Finnish nation at first ever World Fart Championships

(This was also published by the Indian news site WSN)

Last night, I dreamt that Scots comedienne Janey Godley had asked me to find a lorry with a platform which rose, concertina-like, high enough to reach the tall street lights on the scene dock road at BBC Television Centre in London, although there were/are no tall street lights there.

I could not find the platform/lorry.

There was also something about being on a barge in the middle of England with surrealist comedian Martin Soan and seeing a pub levitating above the grass on the bank of a canal.

Those were dreams.

But what I remember my chum Mr Methane telling me last night was not. He is the world’s only performing professionally flatulist.

He farts for a living.

Last night, he told me rather excitedly that he will be appearing as a guest performer (though not competing) in the first ever World Fart Championships on 13th July in Utajärvi, Finland.

The World Fart Championships are being held on the fringe of the fifth Open Mudsoccer Finnish Championship Tournament.

Apparently, last year there was a Finnish Fart Championships event.

According to the official publicity, perhaps losing some clarity in translation, this event last year “was quite a success. It was noticed as well in newspapers as on TV-channels, also outside of Finland. An international betting company even offered odds for the winning fart decibels. As it’s a well known fact, that Finnish madness has no limits what so ever, we decided to expand this happening to World Fart Championships. Basically it’s all about fart sound volume: competitor who produces the loudest fart, wins!”

The competition rules, released yesterday and perhaps also losing some clarity in the translation, are:

Individual Competition Rules:

  1. Series: one, “free-for-all”.
  2. Execution time: 30 seconds.
  3. Referee has the right to accept or reject the performance.
  4. Doping is permitted.
  5. Pants or trousers are mandatory.
  6. Participants are responsible for their own insurances.
  7. There is no entry fee.
  8. With decibelmeter measured loudest fart sound volume wins.

Team Competition Rules:

  1. There are three members in each team.
  2. Two members are on the fartpipe at a time, third one is a substitute.
  3. Each team has two efforts.
  4. Execution time: 30 seconds per effort.
  5. Referee has the right to accept or reject performance.
  6. Doping is permitted.
  7. Pants or trousers are mandatory.
  8. Each participant is responsible for their own insurances.
  9. There is no entry fee.
  10. With decibelmeter measured loudest fart sound volume wins.

In small print, at the bottom, it states:

NOTE! Changes to the rules are possible.

A rogue website claims that “the World Farting Championship was first sponsored in 1911 by The Jonsun Fine Matches Corporation. The competition has been held every year since its inception, although the location has frequently changed”… but this is a hoax. It states that “apparently no city wants its name too closely associated with the event.” But this is clearly no problem in the case of Utajärvi which positively courts the association.

And who can blame them.

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Filed under Comedy, Finland, Humor, Humour

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