Martin Luther King had a dream. So did I, but the Queen Mother was in mine.

Kim Il-sung Square in Pyongyang, North Korea being re-paved on 29th March 1986

Workers re-pave Kim Il-sung Square in Pyongyang, North Korea on 29th March 1986. I was there. It was a Saturday.

As I occasionally mention in this blog, I almost never remember my dreams unless I get woken up in mid-dream.

Early this morning, I got woken up in mid-dream by my burglar alarm.

It is in the nature of bananas to smile.

I was watching the TV series Who Wants to be a Millionaire? with my mother, who died in 2007. Chris Tarrant was presenting the TV show in a blazer with bright red and yellow vertical stripes. The show featured identical twins as contestants.

“Grace had twins,” my mother told me. “She put them in a chest of drawers. Jock and Grace didn’t know they were going to have them.”

Then my dead father’s friend Harold came round to see my mother. He was very gaunt. Harold was. His cheekbones were a bit more prominent than they had been the previous week when he came round, as if he was in the process of turning into one of those L.S.Lowry matchstick men.

Harold talked about the Second World War. I don’t know what he said. The legs of his grey flannel trousers dangled round his bony legs. The way the grey flannel of his trousers flapped around the air surrounding his bony legs was very distracting. His throat added a slight extra sound to each syllable he spoke – more of a gasp than a rasp.

On television, Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? was followed by a documentary in which a man with very pink cheeks said he mostly stayed at home because of the Recession and he argued that cannibalism was a reasonable option. He said there was a particularly fat couple in a neighbouring road whom he had started to stalk.

My mother and I laughed.

The man on the television said he had taken out a subscription to Hermit Monthly and had high hopes of getting a job as a hermit in a folly at the bottom of the Queen Mother’s garden.

The Queen Mother had bought the folly at a local garden centre where you could buy mass-produced follies.

Then the Queen Mother walked slowly into my mother’s living room on two matchsticks.

My mother said to me: “What’s the point of living to that age if you have to walk like that?”

The Queen Mother died shortly afterwards.

Then I woke up and wrote this blog about a dream.

Or not.

“All this happened, more or less.”

That is the opening sentence of Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five.

It is a very good book.

It is about the bombing of Dresden in the Second World War.

I went round to see comedian Martin Soan last night. Four Germans were staying with him. Only half of one could speak English. None of us talked about the War.

Martin Soan and I talked about hip replacements. I said they were age-related.

He thought I said they were AIDs-related.

But I had said age-related.

He laughed a lot about this.

A banana with my name on it

A banana with my name on it

It is a funny old world.

It is in the nature of bananas to smile.

In 2004 and 2005, the North Korean government denounced men’s sloppy hairstyles in a state-run TV series titled Let Us Trim Our Hair in Accordance with the Socialist Lifestyle.

I think I may go back to sleep now for half an hour.


Filed under Drama, Humor, Humour

2 responses to “Martin Luther King had a dream. So did I, but the Queen Mother was in mine.

  1. S.Smith

    Which half of the German could speak English,the top or the bottom ? I’m left with the feeling that all these events actually happened to you yesterday,and you thought it was a dream !

  2. Proof that other people’s dreams are far from boring and can be rivetingly funny.

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