Comedy critic Kate Copstick explains her work on French porn movies

This week’s 30-minute Grouchy Club Podcast discusses porn movies, the British comedy industry and the fact that co-host Kate Copstick got gang-mugged on a bus in Kenya last week. She had been working out there over the last three-and-a-half weeks for her charity Mama Biashara.

Among other things, the muggers stole her laptop computer.

This short extract from the podcast starts when I asked her about the stolen computer.

Grouchy_KateCopstick_JohnFleming

COPSTICK
What it had on it were six of my diaries – my blogs – and the already-rejected script for a French porn movie.

JOHN
Why was it rejected?

COPSTICK
Ahhhhhh…..

JOHN
We should establish you are not a newcomer to the French porn movie industry.

COPSTICK
Absolutely not. I’m delighted to say I’ve been working in and around the professional porn industry for quite some time. In fact, at least 50% of the money that started Mama Biashara came from porn. Given that I’ve rendered myself, for various reasons, pretty much unemployable within the television industry, the only way I get to make money these days is the occasional porn script, which pays 200 quid but, y’know, that buys a lot of pot noodle.

JOHN
90-minute films?

COPSTICK
Yeah. 90 minutes. Marc Dorcel Films, Paris. Anyway, I had written a script, then they changed their minds about what they wanted, so I re-wrote it, then they changed their minds again.

First of all, they wanted it finishing with this woman, this MILF, shagging her best friend’s daughter. Then they wanted her shagging a bloke with whom there was a lot of sexual tension; then they didn’t want the sexual tension; then they didn’t want her screwing her best friend’s daughter; and then they decided the big finish was going to be a gang-bang featuring a very well-known, very beautiful porn actress who’s well-known for not even doing anal.

And this is all for 200 quid.

I am out there saving lives (in Kenya), up to my nipples in slime, poverty and cholera and trying to think: Now, mmm… How do we get round this gang-bang situation.

JOHN
So you are actually writing this in your slum in Kenya?

COPSTICK
In my slum in Kenya, yup.

JOHN
Because you don’t live in luxurious hotels…

COPSTICK
I wish. I look at them as I go past.

JOHN
You did live in a  crate at some point, didn’t you?

COPSTICK
No. I’m living in a container, but it’s made into a little house. But that’s the last time. I can’t live there any more. because they’re demolishing the entire area. That’s what happens in slums. They’re not that permanent. You can go away and come back and find out your house just isn’t there any more.

JOHN
Can’t the crate be moved? That’s the thing with crates. Crates move.

COPSTICK
But it’s not my crate and it is being moved. It’s being moved out to Rongai which is a rural area on the outskirts of Nairobi.

JOHN
So you’re squatting in someone else’s crate…

COPSTICK
So I’m squatting in someone else’s… Well, I’m paying rent.

JOHN
Hold on… To support your charity work, you’re squatting in someone else’s crate in a slum writing porn scripts.

COPSTICK
Yeah.

JOHN
Good. I thought we should establish that.

COPSTICK
I tried Bono but, frankly, I find him morally reprehensible.

JOHN
Is ‘Bono’ some sort of porn term I don’t know?

COPSTICK
Several of them around.

JOHN
Have you ever indulged? You should co-star. You would make more money, surely.

COPSTICK
Indulge? No. I’ve got a couple of friends that I’ve roped in as extras.

JOHN
When you say ‘roped in’…

COPSTICK
Well… When I say male…

JOHN
When you say ‘roped in’…

COPSTICK
… and two females. I said: Do you wanna come along, hang out with some stunningly gorgeous women who are going to be naked all day…?

JOHN
When you say ‘hang out’…

COPSTICK
Well, it was like the Porn Week series that I did (on Channel 4). People came along on a holiday and they got to hang out on a porn set, share a hotel with the cast and crew and then, depending on how close you wanted to get to the action, you could either just sit and watch the scenes being shot or you could be the ‘lube’ guy… you could hold the porn box… There were a couple of movies where there were parts for extras. You got to fondle. A bit of fondling in a monk’s robe.

JOHN
Fluffing?

COPSTICK
No, no such thing as fluffing, John.

JOHN
That’s the wrong word?

COPSTICK
No, no, no. There’s no fluffing. Nobody has fluffed since the 1960s. They can’t afford them.

…AND THUS THE PODCAST CONVERSATION PROGRESSED…

YOU CAN HEAR THE FULL AUDIO PODCAST HERE

WE ALSO TESTED IT IN VISION ON PERISCOPE AND YOU CAN SEE THAT TEST ON YOUTUBE… BECAUSE IT WAS A TEST, THE FRAMING IS DODGY

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Filed under Podcasts, Pornography, Sex

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