I have mostly been in bed since Friday with a bad cough.
Even worse than my normal one.
Perhaps I have started hallucinating.
I had a phone call from a very nice man today. He was calling from 07843-670273.
That is a UK mobile cellphone number.
His first words, after a slight pause, were: “Are you (after another slight pause) Mr Fleming?”
“I might be,” I said. “Who are you?” My voice was croaking a little.
He told me his name and the financial services company he was calling from. The company’s name was a series of letters. He said he was doing research.
I congratulated him on having a job is this very difficult financial climate.
He asked me if I had ever made online financial investments.
I said I had done, “many, many times – mostly in Madagascar.”
He told me how very good it was to hear that.
“So you know how the system works,” he said.
“Oh yes, of course,” I told him. “I give money to you and you take money from me.”
“Oh no,” he replied.
He explained that he was not asking for money. He was offering free advice.
“That is a very bad business model,” I told him. “You should have a word with your bosses. That is a very bad way to do business. Not to ask for payment in return for services. That is terrible. You should ask for money if you give advice.”
He reassured me he was not asking me to pay anything. He repeated this several times. And explained that his company was offering free advice. “Are you interested?” he asked.
“This is a terrible way to run a business,” I repeated.
“Are you interested?” he asked.
“If you pay me,” I told him, “I would be interested in giving you advice which you could pass on to your bosses and it would improve your business model..”
After some to-and-fro, he asked me: “How much would you want?”
“£50 a week for the next three weeks,” I told him.
He said that was OK.
“Just give me your home address,” I told him, “and I will send everything to you by post.”
“You want my address?” he asked.
“There is no need,” he said. “Give me your telephone number and I will transfer the money to you.”
“But you know my number,” I said, surprised. “You phoned me on it and your number is 07843-670273.”
He said he did not know my number; only my name.
“But how could you phone me?” I asked, “without having my number? You are talking to me on my number. I don’t think I am hallucinating. But maybe I am.”
He insisted he did not know my number but would pay me the £50 per week.
“But, no, you must know my number. I still don’t understand,” I said. “How on earth could you phone my number if you don’t have my number?”
“I like you, Mr Fleming,” he said.
“That is deeply unfortunate,” I told him, “because you are a cunt.”
And I hung up and blocked his number.
Perhaps I was too harsh.
And I lost the chance to earn £50 per week for the next three weeks.
Feel free to contact him – 07843-670273 – if you want to give him any advice.
But remember a minimum charge rate of £50 per week for your services has already been set as standard.