Tag Archives: lesbianism

Critic Kate Copstick exposes my sexism.

The podcast, recorded at Mama Biashara, London, yesterday

The podcast, recorded at Mama Biashara, London, yesterday

Comedy critic Kate Copstick and I recorded our weekly Grouchy Club Podcast yesterday.

She talked about the near-miraculously transformative physical effect on her of some recent acupuncture treatment.

But am I going to quote from that extensive, fascinating part of the podcast?

Of course not. I’m going to quote a sexual bit in a sordid bid to increase the hits.


COPSTICK
My father asked me just the other day – I forget how we got onto the subject but – he said: “You were very promiscuous, weren’t you?”

JOHN
Last week?

COPSTICK
When I was staying with him after the (Edinburgh) Festival.

JOHN
You were promiscuous when you were staying with him?

COPSTICK
No no no no no. He asked me when I was staying with him. I think we were talking about my time when I… well… when I was younger… You know, when I was… when I was young, John. When I was young! I was young, once!

JOHN
Last year?

COPSTICK
You know I was young once. We both were, John. We were young! Not now. Not yesterday. Not the day before yesterday, but we were young!

JOHN
Anyway, you were in your erstwhile twenties, I’m presuming this is…

COPSTICK
And thirties.

JOHN
… and thirties.

COPSTICK
And forties.

JOHN
… and forties.

COPSTICK
So, until…

JOHN
You mean you’re over 40?

COPSTICK
Yeah. I know. You heard it first here, people.

JOHN
And so your daddy… Your daddy…

COPSTICK
So my daddy said: “You were very promiscuous, weren’t you?” I said: “Yes I was”. So he said: “Do you regret it?” I said: “No, I don’t.” So there you are. Moving on… What were you going to say?

JOHN
No no no no… And then the conversation switched to what?

COPSTICK
Ehhh… Ummm…

JOHN
Oh to be a fly on the wall.

COPSTICK
Ehhh… Then the conversation went to what one gets out of rampantly promiscuous sex…

JOHN
Semen, I would have thought.

COPSTICK
Some of it was with girls, John.

JOHN
Ah.

COPSTICK
You see? Oh you narrow-minded man! I’m sorry, I’m going to have to report you. You assumed, there, that because I’m female I was always having heterosexual sex with men. I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can do a podcast with you any longer. Not somebody that thinks along – excuse me, I’ve always wanted to use this word in genuine conversation – that thinks along such heteronormative lines. Oh my God! That was so much fun!

JOHN
I am to be crucified just for a cheap gag!

COPSTICK
You’re so heteronormative!

JOHN
Hetero and enormous. It’s seldom anyone’s said this.

COPSTICK
No no. Heteronormative. Your hearing’s going as well. Heteronormative.


This week’s Grouchy Club Podcast lasts just over 27 minutes.

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More embarrassing than being gay?

LesbianSymbolIn a blog a week ago, my chum Sue Blackwell (not her real name) told me about a time she had psychotic episodes.

Yesterday, she told me: “There’s something I missed out. One of the embarrassing things I said at the time of that breakdown was I announced that I was gay.”

“Announced to whom?” I asked.

“I don’t know.,” said Sue. “I can’t remember. I do remember telling a workmate who had not been keen on me even seeing a psychiatrist.”

“Who else?” I asked.

“Well, not all and everybody. I don’t know. I told my daughter.”

“How did she take it?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

“So you announced to people that you were gay,” I said, “but you weren’t?”

“Possibly not. I thought: Why did I say that?

“You must know if you’re gay,” I said.

“Well, never say never,” said Sue. “I mean, perhaps it’s repressed or something. I dunno. The gay man I was living with at the time laughed.”

“How can people not know if they’re gay?” I asked. “I mean, if I were gay, surely at some point during the long decades I would have got a hard-on looking at some boy band on Top of the Pops?”

“It’s very odd,” said Sue.

“I call it queer,” I said.

“I think probably going to the barn dance was probably more embarrassing,” said Sue.

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