I thought: There will be a blog in there somewhere.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe I was right.
Christian won the Malcolm Hardee Cunning Stunt Award last year with his 12-year-old daughter Kate because of her excellently cunning flyering for his show. I can’t be bothered to repeat the story. This year, Kate is appearing on stage herself.
“She’s been plaguing me,” said Christian, “for the last few weeks saying: I want to do stand-up. If we go to the Edinburgh Fringe, can I do a spot?
“So she’s going to be in a one-off children’s gig at the Freestival. I was also in touch with Comedy 4 Kids, who are running a gig at Assembly and Kate’s been offered a spot on one of their shows. And Bob Slayer has offered her a gig on his double-decker bus.”
“Has he got a name for the double-decker bus yet?” I asked.
“I don’t think so. I told him to call it The Folly.”
“I suggested Desmond,” I said. “How’s your wife?”
“Oh, Gayle’s doing a comedy course at the moment,” said Christian. “So she might be doing a gig in Edinburgh too.
“She says I’m hellbent on embarrassing myself by getting better comedians from the family on stage.”
“Didn’t she used to be a boxer?” I asked.
“She did used to work in a box factory,” conceded Christian.
“Does she not,” I asked, “realise there’s no money in comedy?”
“She just wanted to do it for a bit of fun, because she likes the writing. I don’t know that she will ever do a gig. She’s telling me she won’t. But then there’s Edinburgh in August.”
“Why,” I asked, “is she doing a comedy course but then says she’s not going to perform a gig?”
“She’s just awkward. Stubborn. That’s my wife. She’s contrary.”
“From County Contrary?” I asked.
“I’d like her to do a gig,” said Christian, ignoring me. “I think she’d be very good.”
“What is your show called?” I asked.
“Christian Talbot is Shite at Being Irish. I’m really bad at being Irish. I can’t speak Irish and all Irish traditional music sounds the same to me It’s all Diddly-diddly-aye. I also don’t ‘get’ Gaelic Football and hurling.”
“Oh,” I said, “hurling is great. It’s beautiful! I used to make TV trailers for it when I worked in Dublin. Hurling in slow motion is like ballet – but interesting. I’m amazed people don’t get their heads sliced off. Gaelic Football’s graceful too. They were made for television slomos”
“A bit violent: all of them,” said Christian.
“Wildly dangerous,” I agreed. “But, in slow motion, graceful…”
“Like one of those martial arts films,” said Christian.
“Hurling and Gaelic Football,” I said enthusiastically, “are much more exciting than soccer and don’t let’s even mention cricket, the world’s most boring game.”
“I just never got into them,” said Christian, who was born and brought up in Dublin. “My dad wasn’t particularly Irish; he always watched the BBC, so I always liked Monty Python and I’ve never been a mad drinker.”
“Heard of any stunts for Edinburgh?” I asked.
“Well,” said Christian, “I see Bec Hill is renting out space on her body. If you give her clothes – like a teeshirt with an ad for your show on – she’ll wear them. She’ll wear a different set of clothes every day during her show: clothes that other people have given her to publicise their show during her show.
“And, it’s not for Edinburgh, but did you hear about Sean Hegarty over in Northern Ireland? He had a competition on his Facebook page for people to name his show in Belfast and he said whatever got the most likes would be the title… They picked ISIS Fundraiser, so now he has to go through with it under that title. Someone told me there were threats made against the venue.”
Christian told me that yesterday so, obviously, this morning I got in touch with Sean Hegarty.
“Yeah,” he told me. “The show’s going ahead on April 13th with that title, unfortunately. All press is good press, though, and I’m using it to my advantage. I’ve got in contact with the isis charity in England who support young people against sexual exploitation. So I’m hoping to do a collection for them at the end of my show. I’ve also been in contact with the police who are completely behind me and understand the predicament I’m in.”
I feel we may hear more of this.