Yesterday’s blog was about my first stage appearance at Martyn Sadler’s new comedy club in East London. Malcolm Hardee Award-winning comedian Becky Fury had performed there a month before – on its opening night.
I had tea with her at a branch of Pret a Manger yesterday afternoon. I thought we were going to talk about the new club – and we started on that – but then the subject changed unexpectedly.
JOHN: When I was at Martyn’s club, the audience was a bit rowdy. What were they like when you performed there?
BECKY: There was a stag party in one corner and they were getting the most attention. You know I have the horn…
JOHN: Yes. How did you deal with the situation?
BECKY: So I have this horn in my back pocket which means I can squeeze one of my breasts and make a honking sound as I squeeze it. Audiences like it… I nearly turned that bit of my act into a full, very aggressive striptease to keep them quiet but I knew Martyn wasn’t allowed to do that. He has been told that his licence doesn’t allow him to have strippers.
I was going to do it, but then I realised I hadn’t shaved my legs, so I backed away from that, which was a massive shame.
JOHN: So how did you quieten the stag party?
BECKY: Natural charm.
JOHN: What was Martyn doing while all this was going on?
BECKY: He was round the back wearing his fedora. Hanging round the bar talking to people. You know what he’s like.
JOHN: He was like that when I worked with him at Granada TV in Manchester. Always in the Stables.
BECKY: The Stables?
JOHN: The staff bar. What was your impression of Martyn when you first met him?
BECKY: That he is always an act. He is always playing the part of Martyn Sadler.
JOHN: You first met him in Edinburgh a couple of years ago…?
BECKY: Yeah. I met him and we ended up having a drink in a Wetherspoons in Leith and these two Scottish guys were giving me shit because I was swearing. They said they didn’t want to hear that sort of language. They were really nicely sharply suited and booted. I went over and apologised to them but they told me to Fuck off and that I was being rude.
JOHN: In those exact words? “Fuck off”?
BECKY: Yeah. In Leith Wetherspoons at half twelve in the afternoon!
JOHN: Some people have no sense of irony.
BECKY: Yeah. They just really pissed me off. So I picked up a bottle of ketchup off a table and said: “Oh, it would be a shame, wouldn’t it, lads, if someone got ketchup all over their nice, smart jacket.”
JOHN: How did they react?
BECKY: They kind of freaked out and the manager came over and said: “Just sit down, right?” and it calmed down. But what Martyn did a few minutes after that was he got his glasses…
JOHN: His spectacles?
BECKY: Yes. And he got some ketchup, squirted it across the top of the glasses, put the glasses back on his face and walked past them on the way to the toilet and looked at them with the ketchup dripping down over his eyes and he said: “I told her to watch her language too, lads, and this is what she did to me.”
JOHN: And they…?
BECKY: They grabbed their fucking coats and ran off. Well, they didn’t run – but they exited sharpish. And that is why Martyn Sadler is amazing.
JOHN: You like his anarchic tendencies.
BECKY: Yeah. Maybe I should propose to him via your blog. He says he likes pranks.
JOHN: ‘Becky Sadler’ has a nice ring to it.
JOHN: You would have your own club to perform in.
BECKY: Yeah. It sounds like a good match to me.
JOHN: A match made in…
BECKY: …Headinburgh… Will you marry me, Martyn?