As my blog yesterday mentioned performer/artist The Iceman, I thought I would ask Gencraft AI to create an image of “a man made of ice attempting to melt himself with a flame-thrower”.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This was the result.
It’s an interesting idea, but is this an example of Artificial Intelligence taking the piss…?
Is Artificial Intelligence taking the piss…?
Filed under AI, Eccentrics, Humor, Humour
As regular readers of this blog will know, I am interested in the creative potential of AI. Yesterday, Google posted online a test of their ‘Gemini’ – an AI “capable of reasoning across text, images, audio, video and code” – and, within 24 hours, it got around 1.2 million views.
I asked OpenAI’s now arguably slighted dated ChatGPT (which allegedly/reportedly has around 60% of the AI market) to write a stand-up comedy routine about something fairly mundane but with some potential, so I told it:
“Write a stand up comedy routine about cheese…”
It came up with this which sounds, to me, highly influenced by New York Jewish comedians of maybe the 1950s… I can imagine it playing the Borscht Belt back then (with the actors’ names changed)…
(Image by Jezael Melgoza via UnSplash)
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about cheese. I love cheese. I mean, who doesn’t? It’s like the Meryl Streep of the food world. It can play so many different roles—grilled cheese, mac and cheese, cheese and crackers. It’s the Daniel Day-Lewis of your refrigerator.
But have you ever noticed how many types of cheese there are? I walked into a cheese shop the other day, and I felt like I needed a PhD in dairy just to order something. The guy behind the counter starts throwing out names like he’s reciting the cast of a French film. “Would you like some Roquefort, Brie, Camembert, Gouda, or maybe some Chèvre?” I’m like, “Just give me the one that tastes good on a cracker!”
And don’t get me started on blue cheese. Who looked at regular cheese and thought, “You know what this needs? Mold. Yeah, let’s let it age with some funky-looking veins running through it.” I don’t want my cheese to look like a science experiment gone wrong. I want it to look like a slice of heaven.
Cheese is also deceptive. It looks so innocent in the grocery store, just sitting there in the dairy aisle. You bring it home, and suddenly it’s playing hide-and-seek in the back of your fridge. You’re like, “I know I bought some cheddar. Where did it go?” It’s like cheese has a secret life when you’re not looking.
And let’s talk about the lactose-intolerant folks. I mean, who hurt you, cheese? Why do you have to betray some of us? It’s like cheese has a personal vendetta against lactose-intolerant people. “Oh, you want to enjoy a nice cheese platter? Here’s a side of stomach-ache for you.” Cheese is like that friend who’s all fun and games until they eat too much and turn into a party pooper.
But despite all the cheese drama, we keep coming back for more. It’s like a bad relationship. You know it’s not good for you, but it just tastes so darn good. I can imagine sitting down with my doctor, and he’s like, “You need to cut down on the cheese.” And I’m like, “Doc, do you want to live in a world where people don’t eat cheese? Because that sounds like a terrible place.”
In conclusion, cheese is like the comedian of the food world. It’s sharp, it’s versatile, and it knows how to leave a lasting impression. So, next time you’re enjoying a cheese platter, just remember: you’re not indulging in dairy; you’re savoring a culinary performance. Thank you, and may your cheese always be melty and your crackers never stale!
I’m not sure this would necessarily play well at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles or in London today, nor at the Edinburgh Fringe but – hey! – we are less than a year into this AI frenzy.
One day last week, I got what I think was a complaint.
Normally, when I get up in the morning, one of the first things I do is feed the birds in my back garden.
But, on that day, I was a bit late getting up.
My Ring front door camera told me I had a visitor.
He or she was insistent and apparently slightly annoyed…
…presumably complaining about the current lack of bird seed and meal worms…
Below is the original video from the door camera.
No, I have not been paid nor asked to mention Ring video doorbells…
… but the birds find them useful.
Both ChatGPT and Claude AI recently reckoned that I was dead.
I thought I might check this again. So I asked Claude AI just now: “Is blogger John Fleming dead?”
I got this reply…
Based on my research, it does not appear that blogger John Fleming is dead. Here are some key points:
So in summary, prolific blogger John Fleming appears to still be alive and actively posting online based on all the available evidence I could find. There are no signs or credible sources reporting his death recently. Unless new information emerges, the assumption is that Fleming is still actively blogging and involved in comedy at age 70.
All that comes from an Artificial Intelligence on the internet, so it must be true…
Though I should point out:
(MORE ABOUT ALL THIS HERE…)
(Image of Albert Einstein by Brent Dalling, via UnSplash)
Occasionally, of late, I have asked AI to write me stuff.
In this case, I asked ChatGPT to “explain in 200 words Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity in the style of James Joyce’s novel “Ulysses”…
The result?
In the labyrinthine corridors of Einstein’s cerebral cosmos, there emerged a revelation, a theory of relativity, as enigmatic as the inner musings of James Joyce’s Leopold Bloom. Time, once considered an immutable river, was, in Einstein’s vision, a fluid and elusive current, dancing with space in a celestial waltz.
Like Bloom’s contemplative strolls through Dublin’s streets, Einstein embarked on a mental journey, shattering the Newtonian certainties that had held sway for centuries. He postulated that the laws of physics, those cosmic commandments, are the same for all observers, regardless of their motion. A simple axiom, yet its implications were as profound as the metaphysical reflections of Joyce’s Stephen Dedalus.
Einstein’s theory unveiled the relativistic nature of time itself. As a ship sails through the sea, its clocks, like the consciousness of Joyce’s characters, are subject to a dilation, slowing down or speeding up depending on its velocity. Thus, the faster one moves, the slower time ticks, entwining the fabric of reality with an indelible riddle.
The Special Theory of Relativity, in Joyce’s lyrical style, is an odyssey of thought, a journey into the profound depths of the cosmos, where time and space converge in an intricate dance, challenging our very perceptions of reality, much as Joyce’s Ulysses challenged the boundaries of literary form.
I don’t think that was really the answer to what I asked. It was trying to link Einstein and Joyce, not explain the theory.
So I tried: “Explain in 200 words Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity in the style of a 1950s New York Jewish comedian”.
Remember this is an AI.
This is what I got:
Ladies and gentlemen, let me break it down for you, Einstein-style, with a dash of that classic New York Jewish humor. You know, like my Uncle Morty used to say, “If you can’t explain it in a Brooklyn deli, it ain’t worth explaining!”
So here’s the deal, folks. Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity, it’s like the ultimate cosmic Borscht Belt routine. He’s saying, “Hey, forget everything you thought you knew about time and space, it’s all relative!”
Imagine you’re on a speeding subway train, right? According to Einstein, time itself starts playing tricks on you. Your watch ticks slower than your grandma ordering matzo ball soup. That’s right, time is like a stand-up comic, and it’s got its own sense of humor!
And then there’s the whole “E equals MC squared” thing. It’s like saying, “Hey, energy and mass, they’re like two cousins from the Bronx, and they can swap places!” Who knew your Aunt Sadie’s brisket recipe could explain the universe?
But here’s the kicker, folks. Einstein’s theory, it shook up the whole scientific establishment, just like a Catskills comedian shaking up a Borscht Belt resort. It was a game-changer, a real “oy vey” moment for physics.
So, in a nutshell, Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity, it’s like the punchline to the cosmic joke, where time, space, and energy all walk into a bar, and nobody’s quite sure who’s buying the next round. It’s a hoot, it’s a riot, and it’s one heck of a theory!
This still wasn’t quite up-to-standard, so I then asked: “Explain in 200 words Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity in the style of an eight year old child”.
Okay, so imagine you’re on a super-duper fast spaceship, like one from a sci-fi movie. Now, you have a super-duper clock with you, and your friend on Earth has a regular clock. But guess what? Your clock goes slower than your friend’s clock! That’s because when you go super fast, time feels a bit shy and slows down.
Now, imagine you’re riding a super-duper skateboard, and you have a flashlight. When you shine that light, it goes super-duper fast, right? But guess what again? Even if you’re on your skateboard going super fast, the light still goes at the same super-duper speed! It’s like the speed of light never changes no matter what.
Einstein, this super smart scientist, figured all this out and told everyone. He said, “Hey, time and light, they’re like a secret club, and they have their own rules.” So, his theory is called the Special Theory of Relativity because it’s about special stuff happening when you go super fast.
It’s like when you’re playing with your toys, and you have your own special rules for your game. Einstein’s theory is like that, but for the whole universe! So, remember, when you go super fast, time slows down, and light always goes super-duper fast. That’s Einstein’s big idea, and it’s super cool!
So the moral is: if you want to know something, ask an eight year old kid…
Far be it from me to say my blog is widely read – it could, after all, be merely coincidence – but, a few brief hours after I posted yesterday’s blog on comedy character President Obonjo, there was a military coup in Gabon, overthrowing President Ali Bongo, the namesake of the famed UK comedy magician and former President of the Magic Circle Ali Bongo…. This BBC News report has appeared (correct at the time of posting)
It has been suggested that this coup could have been a case of mistaken identity, with the CIA, confused by the current flurry of online Obonjo publicity in the US, overthrowing someone they thought was President Obonjo to undermine the Donald Trump campaign…
Or not.
By George Wright & Kathryn Armstrong
Army officers have appeared on national television in Gabon to say they have taken power.
They said they were annulling the results of Saturday’s election, in which President Ali Bongo was declared the winner.
The electoral commission said Mr Bongo had won just under two-thirds of the votes in an election the opposition argued was fraudulent.
His overthrow would end his family’s 53-year hold on power in Gabon.
Gabon is one of Africa’s major oil producers, while nearly 90% of the country is covered by forests.
Twelve soldiers appeared on television early on Wednesday morning, announcing they were cancelling the results of the election and dissolving “all the institutions of the republic”.
They added that the country’s borders had been closed “until further notice”.
If confirmed, this would be the eighth coup in former French colonies in Africa in the past three years.
However, most of the others have been further north, in the Sahel region where an Islamist insurgency has led to rising complaints that the democratically elected governments were failing to protect the civilian populations.
French Prime Minister Elisabeth Borne said her country was following the situation closely, while the European Union’s foreign policy chief said a military takeover would increase instability in Africa.
“This is a big issue for Europe,” said Josep Borrell.
Meanwhile, French mining group Eramet, which employs thousands of people in Gabon, said it had stopped all work in the country for security reasons.
The soldiers who announced the apparent coup said they were from the Committee of Transition and the Restoration of Institutions and represent security and defence forces in the country.
One of the soldiers said on TV channel Gabon 24: “We have decided to defend peace by putting an end to the current regime.”
This, he added, was down to “irresponsible, unpredictable governance resulting in a continuing deterioration in social cohesion th,at risks leading the country into chaos”.
The sounds of loud gunfire could be heard in the country’s capital, Libreville, following the broadcast.
A resident in the western city of Port Gentil told the BBC World Service’s Newsday programme he was woken by a friend who told him about the soldier’s broadcast.
“There was a communique being played again and again on the two national TV channels,” they said, adding that it appeared that all parts of Gabon’s defence and security forces were involved.
BBC World Service Africa editor Will Ross says this suggests the coup is perhaps not “done and dusted” and there will be some resistance.
There was no immediate response by the government to the soldiers’ announcement and the whereabouts of Mr Bongo are unknown.
Internet access was suspended following Saturday’s election for security reasons, but was restored shortly after the apparent takeover. A curfew is also in place.
As in previous general elections in Gabon, there were serious concerns about the process in Saturday’s vote.
Main opposition candidate Albert Ondo Ossa complained that many polling stations lacked ballot papers bearing his name, while the coalition he represents said the names of some of those who had withdrawn from the presidential race had still been on the ballot sheet.
Campaign group Reporters Without Borders said foreign media had been banned from setting foot in the country to cover the vote.
Both of Mr Bongo’s previous wins were disputed as fraudulent by opponents. This time, controversial changes were made to voting papers just weeks before election day.
Mr Bongo came to power when his father Omar died in 2009.
In 2018, he suffered a stroke which sidelined him for almost a year and led to calls for him to step aside.
The following year, a failed coup attempt saw mutinying soldiers sent to prison.
(Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay)
The ten ‘best’ jokes at the Edinburgh Fringe (according to the Dave TV channel) were announced today. So I asked Claude.AI – a rival of ChatGPT – if he/she/they/it thought the jokes were funny.
These are Dave’s “funniest” jokes at the Fringe:
…and this is Claude.AI’s opinion of them:
I analyzed those 10 jokes and here is my assessment of how funny they are:
Overall, I’d say these are reasonably funny jokes that provoke smiles, chuckles, or laughter to various degrees, depending on one’s sense of humor. The wordplay, absurdity, irony, and subversion of expectations make them effective.
Of course, some jokes may land better than others for different people. But the list seems to offer broad appeal for fans of punny, clever, and playful humor. Let me know if you have any other thoughts on these jokes! I’m interested in better understanding human responses to humor.
I then asked Claude.AI to tell me “the funniest joke ever”.
He/she/they/it replied:
There is no singular “funniest joke ever,” since humor is highly subjective and dependent on individual tastes. However, some jokes that are widely considered to be classics and fan favorites include:
Of course, there are many other hilarious jokes out there across all different styles and tastes! When it comes to comedy, everyone has their own “funniest joke ever.” The great thing about humor is how diverse, creative, and open to interpretation it can be.
Last week, I blogged about the death of multi-talented British eccentric Bob Flag.
In the summer of 1981, he was performing on stage off-West End in London as part of The Mad Show.
Another of the Mad Show performers was Anthony Irvine, who later developed an ice-block-melting performance art routine as The Iceman and who, more recently, became a painty-painty real artist as AIM.
The Iceman with ice and duck in London
Anthony has just shared some memories of Bob Flag with me. He writes:
I loved Bob’s helter-skelter act in The Mad Show. I used to admire his manic energy, both on stage and off.
In The Mad Show, his act included drums, music and a chaos that I related to. He had a sort of milkman sidekick on keyboards. I watched him every night of the run. Something about his fast-talking, almost serious, delivery got me – and the disintegrating drums, like The Iceman’s music stand.
I can’t remember if he participated much in the other antics in the show, like the immersion in the aquarium or the Japanese singing fruit group or the open bus trip round the Mall where Dave Brooks (of the Greatest Show on Legs) joined the soldiers at Buckingham Palace during the Changing of the Guard. He wore his kilt and played his bagpipes.
I didn’t really stay in touch with Bob after The Mad Show finished – my loss. But I do remember two particular meetings.
The first was a completely random meeting of 40 seconds when I got out of a northbound train at somewhere like Newark and there was Bob on the platform.
We both behaved as if this was completely normal.
Before I could say much beyond the pleasure of seeing him again years after The Mad Show, I had to get back on the train which was only doing a brief stop.
The second and last time I saw Bob was when I sold him a brand new baritone saxophone I had bought in East Germany before the Berlin Wall’s de-construction. The saxophone was very big in relation to him. He paid cash. It was in Leyton.
He came in like a man in a hurry to get elsewhere. It was a very good sax. He paid me in wads of cash. I was surprised how much money he had on him.
I had bought the saxophone in East Germany – possibly in Leipzig – with lots of East German Deutsche Marks that I had received. And, yes, I was big in the East before the Wall came down.
I blogged about Anthony a couple of times in July (HERE and HERE) when he was about to start an exhibition/clearance sale of more than 1,000 of his (AIM’s) artworks at a gallery on a farm in Dorset.
That exhibition/sale has now finished. The exhibition/sale was titled PEG IT! because a lot of the exhibits were pegged up in mid air.
Part of The Iceman/AIM’s multi-pegged art exhibition/clearance sale at the farm gallery…
He (Anthony/The Iceman/AIM) tells me:
De-pegging and dismantling the show was a huge physical effort because I had spent four weeks adding to/pegging up the show. Fortunately I had a team of customers – Jonathan, Liz, Dale – who broke the back of it.
While we were un-pegging, a local lady – Alison – appeared and chose eight pictures she wanted to buy. She kept going home to get more cash. She repeatedly kept having a new painting wish and going home to get more cash to the extent that I showed my concern about whether she could afford to buy them. This inadvertently became an unintentional sales technique.
I sold over 20 paintings on the very last day. As the gallery is a bit out-of-the-way, this was remarkable indeed.
A site for sore eyes: the waste recycling site
My latest project is to sell my AIM paintings at the waste recycling centre in Bournemouth.
This is very logical because people at Bournemouth’s waste recycling centre have just dis-burdened themselves and so have empty cars.
I can get in with an opportunistic sale.
The idea started when I was talking to Stuart Semple at the GIANT gallery in Bournemouth.
Stuart liked my idea of ‘recycling’ sales and latched onto the “performative element”. This gave me confidence.
The very next day I tested the idea on site at the waste recycling centre.
It did feel a strikingly original idea and the public intercourse that resulted was very funny.
There was some interest, some amusement plus some indifference.
Overall it was a success, though I can’t give any sales figures at this junction. I found the ‘performative element’ to my satisfaction: interacting with the dis-burdening public
Two recycling workers at the waste recycling centre had diametrically opposed reactions which, I think, encapsulated the experience.
One was very sympathetic and we talked about Egyptian art.
The other warned me that I was breaking regulations and I must be off.
I have also now got into film shorts mapping my artistic achievements. You can see them on YouTube HERE.
Filed under Art, Comedy, Eccentrics, Humor, Humour, Performance
Later today, the esteemed online publication Fringe Review (currently reporting on and reviewing shows at the Edinburgh Fringe) is hosting a Zoom meeting titled Using AI to Write a Convincing Review of a Show You Have Never Seen: A Short and Horrific Zoom Masterclass.
So, in the spirit of the Fringe, I thought I would plagiarise this idea before it happens and ask ChatGPT to review my non-existent Edinburgh Fringe comedy show.
Note: I am not and never have been a performer. I have no talent for it and no interest in performing myself. I have never performed a show at the Edinburgh Fringe.
Nonetheless, I told ChatGPT: Write a 100 word 5-star review of John Fleming’s Edinburgh Fringe comedy show “A Non-Existent Comedy Show”.
This is what it immediately came up with:
I had earlier tried another test:
I think I had better watch myself…
Three weeks ago, I wrote a blog about famed performance act The Iceman (aka AIM aka Anthony Irvine) and his then-upcoming art show PEG IT! at Guggleton Farm Arts – ‘The Gugg’ – in Dorset.
Yes, it’s a farm.
There are over a thousand paintings, all for sale. He is now halfway through the month-long exhibition and is living on-site at the farm/gallery.
His live performance act involved/involves melting blocks of ice in increasingly desperate ways.
So how, I hear you ask, is his new art exhibition going?
Well, funny you should ask. The Iceman – whose painting name is AIM – has just updated me. He says…
The Iceman points out that, as an artist, he is now called AIM…
It took a few journeys to get all the art works here – over a thousand – and a lot of physical work hanging them.
There are still lots on the floor.
I’ve been framing some from old frames, defining and professionalising the images.
This is my own assessment of the show at half point.
In all seriousnice, the show is going rather well and I am selling more than I expected.
The Gugg is not a traditional gallery as such but quite a lot goes on there. People go to events there (eg open mike music/pizza evenings on Thursdays) and I beckon them into the milking parlour gallery. Quite a few people come back more than once because of the sheer volume of art works. The most common initial response is: “Cor! That’s a lot of pictures!”
I sleep in the hayloft. It is very dark at night.
Skye, a woman who used to live near Crazy Larry’s in Chelsea (the venue of my first ever block of ice) has just moved into a house next door to The Gugg. On Thursday, she chose four paintings with which to decorate her bare walls.
In a video, The Iceman explains his performance art act AIM and its vital components…
Skye’s friend Charles just couldn’t get enough of AIM’s paintings that night and he waxed lyrical – eg “This is the most amazing fucking exhibition I have ever seen!” – to me without realising I was the artist.
He said the same thing in the morning… sober… when I met him at Dikes, the local independent supermarket.
Later on that evening he explained to me, during a sambuca session in the barn after a visit to meet Stalbridge locals in the local Swan pub, his technique of not vomiting when drinking to excess – incredible mind control – before rescuing Skye’s dog from behind a gate by pulling it up by the scruff of its neck and then relieving himself perilously near AIM’s art work. He recognised my painting of the post-iceterity block at Richmond Bridge because he rows on the Thames.
A man from Dagenham wants the opposing painting-post-iceterity Block at Gravesend.
AIM/The Iceman points to his painting of Gravesend
One of the best things that has happened has been visits from the local Stalbridge primary school: three separate visits from years 4/5/6.
They loved the art and chose their favourites and I got The Iceblock out of the freezer for them to meet. This is an extra long-lasting block because it keeps going back in the freezer after making an appearance and The Iceman does not shorten its life by his traditional means.
The Iceman did put the Block on his head and say “Ice-cap!” which bemused the children.
(IN AN ENDEARING, FASCINATING AND NOT UN-ECCENTRIC VIDEO ON YOUTUBE, THE ICEMAN aka AIM SHOWS YOU ROUND HIS ART EXHIBITION… HERE)
Filed under Art, Eccentrics, Humor, Humour
SO IT GOES - John Fleming's blog 