AI on new English language words – from RIZZ to REAL MAZDA via Persia

Earlier this month, my chum writer Ariane Sherine wrote a piece in the Metro newspaper which contained what she said was a “daft chat-up line”.

Her 12-year-old daughter told her “That’s the stupidest rizz I’ve ever heard!”

Ariane (like moi) had never heard the word before, but I told her “That is real mazda!”

I asked the Claude AI (a competitor to ChatGPT) what “rizz” meant. It replied:

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The slang term “rizz” has a few different meanings in modern usage:

• Rizz is sometimes used when complimenting someone’s outfit or look. For instance: “Those shoes are rizz bro!”
• Rizz can refer to having confidence, style, and attraction or magnetism towards the opposite sex. For example: “He’s got so much rizz with the ladies.”
• It can also mean being smooth, charismatic, and having swagger or game when interacting with someone you’re attracted to. As in: “He was spitting so much rizz last night talking to those girls.”
• In rap or hip hop lyrics, rizz is sometimes used to refer to flashy jewelry, especially diamonds. Like: “Check the rizz on my wrist.”
• Rizz can also just be used as a general term meaning something is really awesome or cool. As in: “Whoa, that new video game is rizz!”

So in summary, rizz is a slang term mainly used to refer to being charismatic, having swagger and confidence – especially when attracting romantic partners. It can also just mean something is really great or excellent. The term became popular in hip hop culture and now sees widespread use in modern slang.

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Yesterday, Ariane spotted and shared this online: 

Credit: @mrlovenstein

Very true.

So I asked Claude AI: “What is the latest trendy word on the street?” and got this reply:

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Trendy slang is always evolving, but here are some words and phrases that seem to be quite popular and contemporary “on the street” lately:

• Lit – Meaning something is exciting, cool or hyped up. For example, “That party last night was lit!”
• Bae – A term of endearment for one’s romantic partner or love interest. As in, “Come over later, bae.”
• Fleek – When something is perfectly done or on point. “Her makeup is on fleek today.”
• Clap back – To respond to criticism or insults. As in, “Don’t mess with her, she’ll totally clap back at you on social media.”
• Snatched – Another word for gorgeous or beautiful in reference to someone’s appearance. “Her outfit at the premiere had her looking snatched.”
• Extra – Over the top or excessive behavior. For example, “Why are you being so extra?”
• GOAT – Stands for Greatest Of All Time, used to refer to someone highly skilled or talented. “LeBron James is the GOAT of basketball.”
• Thirsty – Trying too hard to get something or someone’s attention. As in, “He needs to stop with the constant selfies, it’s thirsty.”
• Slay – To do really well at something. For instance, “You totally slayed that gymnastics routine!”

So in summary, those are some slang words that seem to be frequently used, especially among young people communicating informally. Language is always evolving, so I’m sure new trendy terms will continue to emerge and gain popularity!

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That is real mazda…

If anyone can make up and get a new word on the street, then I figured I should have a go. At first I thought of “That’s real sofa-bed” but that didn’t feel quite right. So I then thought of “real mazda”. I guess it came to mind as a synonym for “amazing”. 

I am going to tell everyone things are “real mazda” for a while and claim it is the latest buzzword on the street. I hope you will help me in this futile and vainglorious attempt.

Sassanid relief at Naqsh-e Rostam showing Ahura Mazda presenting the diadem of sovereignty to Ardashir I (Source: Derfash Kaviani, Wikipedia)

I looked up “mazda” in dictionaries to see if it means anything and it turns out it does – it means ‘light’ or ‘wisdom – and its origin comes from Ahura Mazda, a god of intelligence and wisdom, the one true god of Zoroastrianism.

Which is a bit of coincidence, as one of Ariane’s roots is Parsi Indian – the Parsis went to India from Persia around the 8th-10th centruries and they were Zoroastrians.

So I think – by happenstance and blind luck – the rejoinder “That’s real mazda” has a chance of sounding as if it means something. 

I asked Claude AI by typing in “That’s real mazda”. Claude AI obviously remembered I had been asking about slang and gave me this reply:

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I’m afraid I don’t understand the phrase “That’s real mazda” in this context. Mazda is an automotive company that makes cars, so I don’t see how it applies here as a slang term. Perhaps you were looking for a different word that sounds similar to “mazda”? Or maybe you intended a different meaning that I’m missing with this phrase. Could you please clarify what you meant by “That’s real mazda”? I’d be happy to try and make sense of the saying if you can provide some more context about how it was intended to be used. Let me know if you can expand on this at all!

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I can see AI developing. It could be double plus good mazda. Or not.

The UK is in the Top Ten for highest percentage of TikTok video removals

(Image by Gerd Altmann via Pixabay)

I get quite a lot of PR mailouts of factual information sent to me and I almost never ever use them because they are basically just plugging some company or other.

In this case, it’s a plug for a parental control app claiming to “protect your child’s digital experience” but the factual information, if true, is very interesting so here, below, are the statistics as sent.

I should maybe point out that I have never used TikTok because I am a bit nervous of its ultimate ownership.

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• Pakistan emerges as the country with the highest percentage of TikTok video removals, with 70.91% of its videos being removed compared to its TikTok population. 
• Azerbaijan takes a close second place with a TikTok video removal rate of 65.30%. 
• Minor safety is the predominant reason for TikTok video removal. 

A recent analysis of TikTok data conducted by AI Digital family safety app Canopy.us has unveiled intriguing insights into the prevalence of video removals across various countries.  
 
TikTok, a platform known for its diverse content, has been the subject of scrutiny and content moderation efforts worldwide. This data offers a snapshot into TikTok video removals as a percentage of the population of TikTok users in different nations. 

Below is a breakdown of the top ten countries with the highest video removals, spanning from January to March 2023: 

1. 1. Pakistan – 70.91% TikTok video removal rate 

2. 2. Azerbaijan – 65.30% TikTok video removal rate 

3. 3. Dominican Republic – 21.70% TikTok video removal rate 

4. 4. United Kingdom – 19.65% TikTok video removal rate 

5. 5. Cambodia – 17.33% TikTok video removal rate 

6. 6. Algeria – 14.48% TikTok video removal rate 

7. 7. Turkey – 13.36% TikTok video removal rate 

8. 8. Israel – 12.75% TikTok video removal rate 

9. 9. Saudi Arabia – 11.85% TikTok video removal rate 

10. 10. Philippines – 10.43% TikTok video removal rate  

Pakistan emerges as the country with the highest percentage of TikTok video removals compared to its TikTok user population, with a staggering 70.91%. A massive 11,707,020 TikTok videos were removed in Pakistan compared to its 16,510,000 TikTok users. This underscores the significant content moderation efforts within the platform to align with local regulations. 

Azerbaijan ranks second, with 65.30% of TikTok videos removed relative to its TikTok user base. This suggests a pronounced effort to enforce content guidelines in the region. 

The data showcases a wide variability in TikTok video removal rates, with countries like the United Kingdom (19.65%), the Dominican Republic (21.70%), and Cambodia (17.33%) also experiencing notable removal percentages. 

Some countries, including Japan (1.32%), Morocco (2.36%), and South Africa (2.52%), exhibit relatively lower TikTok video removal rates, highlighting variances in content moderation practices worldwide. 

In countries with large TikTok user populations, such as the United States (8.53%) and Indonesia (8.56%), addressing content violations presents significant challenges given the scale of user-generated content. 

Why have these videos been removed? 

TikTok’s Community Guidelines Enforcement Report outlines the reasons for global TikTok video removal between January and March 2023. Below is a breakdown of TikTok videos removed based on policy violations, with the following key categories and their respective percentages: 

1. 1. Minor safety – 30.6% 

2. 2. Illegal activities and regulated goods – 27.2% 

3. 3. Adult nudity and sexual activities – 14.7% 

4. 4. Violent and graphic content – 9.1% 

5. 5. Harassment and bullying – 5.3% 

6. 6. Dangerous acts and challenges – 5.2% 

7. 7. Suicide, self-harm and disordered eating – 3.1% 

8. 8. Hateful behaviour – 2.5% 

9. 9. Violent extremism – 1.4% 

10. 10. Integrity and authenticity – 1.0%  

This data highlights the primary policy violation categories that have led to TikTok videos being removed, with minor safety being the most prevalent. A TikTok video could pose a threat to minor safety in several ways, and the platform needs to address these concerns through content moderation. Some of the ways in which a TikTok video could potentially threaten minor safety include predatory behavior, sharing personal information, cyberbullying, scams, and fraud. TikTok’s content moderation policies are designed to identify and remove videos that fall into these categories to protect the safety and well-being of minor users. Additionally, the platform encourages users to report any harmful or inappropriate content, allowing for a community-driven approach to identifying potential threats to minor safety. 

A spokesperson from Canopy.us commented on the findings: 

“This data underscores the complexities associated with content moderation on a global scale. As a global platform, TikTok grapples with the delicate balance of adhering to local regulations and maintaining a vibrant and diverse content ecosystem. The varying percentages of video removals reflect the platform’s ongoing efforts to address these challenges. The findings also shed light on the importance of region-specific content guidelines and the need for transparent and effective communication between platform operators, content creators, and regulatory authorities. 

As TikTok continues to evolve, it remains imperative for the platform to adapt and refine its content moderation strategies to foster a safe and inclusive environment for users worldwide, particularly vulnerable minors. Parents of young TikTok users may take solace in this video removal data, as it suggests a strict removal of inappropriate content.” 

Total TikTok videos removed globally from January-March 2023  

Country	Number of TikTok videos removed	Population of TikTok users	TikTok video removals as a % of population using TikTok
Pakistan	11,707,020	16,510,000	70.91%
Azerbaijan	390,223	597,560	65.30%
Dominican Republic	575,149	2,650,000	21.70%
United Kingdom	3,862,346	19660000	19.65%
Cambodia	1,223,190	7060000	17.33%
Algeria	538,622	3,719,270	14.48%
Turkey	3,990,307	29,860,000	13.36%
Israel	490,923	3,850,000	12.75%
Saudi Arabia	3,127,338	26,390,000	11.85%
Philippines	4,528,447	43,430,000	10.43%
Lebanon	287,619	2,780,000	10.35%
Poland	1,039,161	10,140,000	10.25%
Australia	792,784	8,300,000	9.55%
Netherlands	534,708	5,660,000	9.45%
Iraq	2,191,557	23,880,000	9.18%
Indonesia	9,411,340	109,900,000	8.56%
United States	9,660,312	113,300,000	8.53%
Kazakhstan	766,713	10410000	7.37%
Ecuador	660,531	9650000	6.84%
Argentina	1,061,851	16220000	6.55%
Ukraine	823,100	13010000	6.33%
Canada	650,697	10750000	6.05%
Sweden	204,746	3390000	6.04%
Belarus	255,083	4270000	5.97%
Colombia	1,191,177	20110000	5.92%
Romania	423,786	7580000	5.59%
Italy	864,870	17150000	5.04%
Germany	996,039	20650000	4.82%
Vietnam	2,134,806	49860000	4.28%
Peru	704,540	16870000	4.18%
Thailand	1,676,007	40280000	4.16%
France	859,327	20950000	4.10%
Brazil	3,252,366	82210000	3.96%
Spain	651,108	16630000	3.92%
Mexico	2,221,038	57520000	3.86%
Chile	431,122	11250000	3.83%
Egypt	869,323	23730000	3.66%
Malaysia	570,804	19300000	2.96%
South Africa	298,682	11830000	2.52%
Morocco	218,958	9270000	2.36%
Japan	272,577	20700000	1.32%

Can AI or indeed I myself be trusted on factual accuracy?… Some facts. (Maybe)

(Image by Steve Johnson via UnSplash)

Artificial Intelligence is on the up. Just today, Press Gazette reports that Martin Lewis’ MoneySavingExpert.com – which they claim is the UK’s “most-trusted brand” – has started using ChatGPT to answer readers’ questions but warns users it may ‘cock up’.

Regular readers of this blog – yes, I am talking to YOU, Miguel Santino in Guatemala – will know that recent reports by both ChatGPT and Claude AI about my death were somewhat exaggerated.

I am increasingly interested in the decreasingly thin dividing line between fact and fallacy. 

In the interests of clearing up some misconceptions, I post the following with only minor correcting comments. For a start, I would like to point out that I have never, as such, been a comedy club promoter…

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CLAUDE AI: JOHN FLEMING BRINKSMAT

There does not appear to be any credible evidence linking John Fleming to the Brink’s-Mat robbery:

• The Brink’s-Mat robbery was a notorious gold bullion theft at Heathrow Airport in 1983, known as Britain’s largest robbery at the time.
• John Fleming was a comedy club promoter and writer in London in the 1980s.
• I cannot find any reputable news reports or legal records that implicate John Fleming in the Brink’s-Mat robbery in any way. His name does not appear in the court documents or journalistic coverage of the robbery investigation that I could find.
• There appears to be an unsubstantiated rumor, promoted by some tabloids and blogs, that Fleming may have helped launder some of the Brink’s-Mat stolen money through the alternative comedy clubs he was involved with at the time. However, this remains a speculation without proof.
• No charges have ever been brought against Fleming in connection to Brink’s-Mat. He does not seem to have been questioned or investigated by police in relation to it either.
• In the absence of any formal accusations, charges or credible evidence, there is no basis to claim John Fleming was actually involved in the Brink’s-Mat robbery in the 1980s.

So in summary, while John Fleming was part of London’s comedy scene at the time, the rumors of his involvement in the major Brink’s-Mat heist appear unproven and unlikely to be true based on the information available. I would need to see specific evidence before accepting any claim of his guilt in relation to this robbery.

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CLAUDE AI: JOHN FLEMING ARREST

I do not have any information to suggest that John Fleming, the UK blogger, was ever arrested or had any run-ins with the law. A few key points:

• There are no credible news reports or public records I could find indicating John Fleming was ever arrested or charged with a crime. His online bios and obituaries make no mention of any legal issues either.
• His blog and published writings gave no indication of him having a criminal background. On the contrary, he seemed well-connected with police contacts and was brought in as a media consultant for law enforcement at times.
• As a prolific blogger since 2010, it’s likely any arrest or charges against Fleming would have left an online trail or been documented somehow publicly. But there is no evidence of this.
• There are other individuals named John Fleming who have been arrested and charged with various offenses over the years. However, none seem to match the identity and details of the late UK blogger based on what I could find.

In summary, while I cannot definitively rule out the possibility without access to full police and court records, all available information suggests John Fleming of “John Fleming’s Diary” did not have any arrests or criminal charges in his past. There does not appear to be any credible or substantiated information linking this specific John Fleming to any illegal activity. Let me know if you have any other details that point to the contrary.

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I should point out very definitely and very strongly that I have never been “well-connected with police contacts” nor ever a media consultant for law enforcement despite what it says…

Artificial Intelligence can get very confused by facts. For example, I have visited North Korea twice – in 1986 and in 2012… I have even blogged about it… Yet…

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This blog is the 6th best UK Satire Blog on the planet – allegedly… Yer wot…?

Apparently this blog has been chosen or voted – who knows? – on 31st January this year, as the 6th best UK Satire Blog on the planet “ranked by traffic, social media followers, domain authority and freshness”…

How strange.

I had to be told this by someone who reads it.  

It is, of course, compiled by a collection of barely literate teenage schoolpersons in the sweatshops of the Far East.

Maybe I should start reading it…

British newspapers… a novel tale of devious deals, phone hacking and death

The Lion of Fleet Street is a novel about a British tabloid newspaper reporter – one of the ‘big beasts’ of Fleet Street – the centre of the newspaper business at the turn of the century.

It is written by Patrick Symes. He worked as a freelance reporter for national newspapers, radio and television for forty years, specialising in sport. He also ran a news agency covering news and sport throughout the South of England.

So he knows the inside stories.

He has written (as  Pat Symes) 12 non-fiction books about international sportsmen.

The Lion of Fleet Street is his first novel.

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JOHN: You’ve written factual books before. Why a novel now?

PATRICK: I just wanted to see if I could do it. I got to a stage in my career where I was winding down. I had sold the news agency and I did a wee stint as a lecturer in Journalism at Solent University in Southampton which was also coming to an end… and I was having cancer treatment.

I was fit and happy and looking forward to my dotage and then suddenly I discovered I had prostate cancer and then kidney cancer. I’ve had one kidney removed. Then the cancer moved to the lungs, which is where it is now. I’ve got a few nodules there.

JOHN: And, at the moment…?

PATRICK: I’ve had numerous scans. I’m never going to beat it; the tumours are there. But it can be contained and coped-with, I hope. So you just plod on in those sort of circumstances.

I had started a book. I don’t even know why. But I thought: Well, I’ll continue it.

JOHN: Why this plot?

PATRICK: One of the good things about journalism is you meet so many people and come across so many incidents and you store them away. I got this idea based on, I think, the funeral of one of the ‘big beasts’ in Fleet Street. I remember that time – the turn of the century – quite vividly. 

It was a massive turning point in the world of the media and how news was disseminated.

Most of my career, if I was covering a football match, I would have to pick up a phone and dictate the report to a copy typist. That was also the way these ‘big beasts’ in Fleet Street operated too; they had these huge, inflated reputations because theirs was the only conduit for news. 

But suddenly there was a twist and a change and the internet came in, though it wasn’t much good to begin with. I remember thinking: Well this is never going to catch on.

Now, of course, we all live by it every day.

It wasn’t just that, of course. Radio and television were becoming more sophisticated and news was being blasted at us all day long.

JOHN: How were radio and TV becoming more sophisticated in news coverage?

PATRICK: It was more instant. TV had taken over the role of newspapers. There was regional television, regional radio stations with quite sophisticated news production. During the day we would know instantly if the Prime Minister resigned. There was no point newspapers printing that as ‘news’ the next day. 

I think I got the tail end of Fleet Street in its pomp. And there was more money around.

“I think I got the tail end of Fleet Street in its pomp…”

News (in newspapers) has become softer now; it has to be very showbiz orientated.

Many of the ‘big beasts’ took hefty pay-offs and disappeared off to their gardens,; one or two others – like my man in the novel – stayed but didn’t really know how to adapt. Their salaries were quite large. New, younger, management came in with new, fresh ideas and decided that the old type of journalism was largely redundant. 

My man, with redundancy hanging over him, teams up with a phone tapper – although many of the journalists of that time did it themselves. He comes up with a couple of stories that give him a front page lead and he seems to be restoring his reputation, but redundancy is still very much hanging over him.

In desperation, he listens in to a police tape – this was at the time of the Milly Dowler murder. 

A certain person is going to be arrested, but my protagonist mis-hears it

When his story appears on the front page of his tabloid, the Sunday Argus, it becomes obvious fairly soon afterwards that his story naming the wrong man had been obtained by illegal means. My protagonist’s life is in ruins but he finds another story which involves… There was a hotel in Eastbourne, near Beachy Head which specialised in giving a ‘last night of luxury’ for would-be suicides.

JOHN: This was real?

PATRICK: I don’t know. Beachy Head is a very spooky place. The wind whistles there and there are all these crosses on the edge of the cliff where people have jumped…

JOHN: Really?

PATRICK: Yeah.

JOHN: You went there?

“Beachy Head is a very spooky place. The wind whistles there… where people have jumped…”

PATRICK: Yes. And I was standing there minding my own business, taking in the atmosphere when two people from a church vigilante group came up to me and said: “Can we help you?”

I said: “Why do you think I need help?”

They said: “Number one, you haven’t got a camera. Number two, you’re standing there with your hands in your pockets, deep in thought… If there’s anything we can do to help you…”

JOHN: So you said “I’m a journalist”… and they said “Jump”…?

PATRICK: (LAUGHS) 

JOHN: All first novels are autobiographical, so…

PATRICK: Phone tapping WAS rampant throughout Fleet Street at that time. It was so easy. They were all expected to do it – on the tabloids anyway – and some fairly prominent people in the newspaper industry of that time got away with it. News International are still paying off victims of that nigh on 20 years later.

JOHN: Have you an idea for your next novel?

PATRICK: I went to a school that had part-boarders and there was a very encouraging English teacher there. He got sacked because he was fiddling around with some of the boy boarders.

He became an actor. His name was Roland McLeod.

He never rose to any great prominence, but he was in Worzel Gummidge and Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em and The Goodies and so on. He tended to play the bank manager or something similar in sitcoms.

He suddenly got the gig of his life when he appeared in Coronation Street – a 6-month or  a year’s contract – and there was a big, big build-up when he was going to propose to Emily Bishop (one of the central characters). A huge build-up. It was in all the papers.

Eileen Derbyshire (as Emily Bishop) and Roland McLeod (as Bernard Morton) in Coronation Street

I didn’t know he was in Coronation Street at first, but you couldn’t avoid it. I mentioned his background to some colleagues in the office and they said: “You ought to put that up to the News of the World. They’d love that!”

Walking behind the newsdesk at the time, by coincidence, was a guy who heard the words Ryde School and he said: “Oh! I went there! I was a boarder and I had ‘difficulties’ with teachers.” So it suddenly became a revenge mission for him and it took me over, really.

I thought: Well, he didn’t do ME any harm…

So it was a real crisis of conscience for a day or two but, in the end, greed overcame my conscience and I rang the News of the World and, of course, they loved it.

I went back to my parents’ house to see if they had any school reports signed by him, which they had. It became a front page lead in the News of the World, I’m afraid to say.

I was well-remunerated, as you can imagine.

The News of the World found him on the day before publication, boarding a plane at Luton Airport. They tapped him on the shoulder and said “Roland McLeod… It’s the News of the World” and he said “I’ve been waiting for this for 30 years”.

It was an astonishing admission when you think about it. 

JOHN: What happened on Coronation Street? Did they pull him as a character?”

PATRICK: I think his role was finished anyway; he had proposed to Emily Bishop and she had said No.

He still got bits and pieces of work afterwards, so I didn’t feel that bad about it. I could justify it by saying to myself that, in many respects, he…

JOHN: …got his comeuppance.

PATRICK: Yes. He did deserve it. 

JOHN: Kiddy fiddling is serious stuff…

PATRICK: Once the News of the World revealed it, he had a speech ready and he said something along the lines of “Homosexuality is a curse. It’s not what I wanted to be.” He tried to justify himself. He had a prepared statement.

JOHN: Over your 40 years in the business, you must have encountered lots of stories which never got published… Did you think of putting them into the novel or future novels?

PATRICK: Little bits and pieces. You knew about people who were on the fiddle. There were stories which suddenly ‘died’; they just didn’t appear.

JOHN: I mean, Jimmy Savile. There would have had to be real, solid, cast-iron evidence to print a story while he was alive.

PATRICK: Yes and he, too, gets a mention in the book. Every newspaper tried to nail him at one stage or another. But they never had solid proof and, if he thought they were getting too close, he would always say: “Well, I’m a national treasure. I’ve raised £50 million through my charity walks and things. Do you want people to know you stopped me doing those?”

… Some of Pat(rick) Symes’ sports books…

Shameless self-promotion of this blog…

Yesterday, I was asked about the ‘reach’ of my blog.

Here’s a map of where my blog’s hits have come from (admittedly over the whole life of the blog).

I never seem to have been read in Chad, the Central African Republic, Spitsbergen or Turkmenistan. 

It is particularly irksome that I have never had any hits from Turkmenistan as I have actually been there and have written about it. Obviously, I made little or no impression on the locals. Mea culpa. 

How I got hits in China I don’t know, as I think Western blogs are blocked; and I do not want to think who or what might be reading my blogs in Russia.

Any suggestions on how I can get my blog read in Chad, the Central African Republic, Spitsbergen or Turkmenistan will be gratefully received. 

 

Thoughts written in Britain during the coronavirus lockdown, Christmas 2020

(Photograph by Fusion Medical Animation, via UnSplash)

My British-born friend Louisette Stodel posted this on her Facebook page today and I think it deserves an even wider readership.

Her parents and family were Dutch, based in Amsterdam…

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When my Jewish parents were in hiding from the Nazis for 3 years as children during WWII, they did not have phones, iPads or Zoom to stay in touch with their friends and family, they couldn’t chat and wish them happy holidays. They didn’t even know where their parents or siblings were, or whether they were alive or dead (and many did not come back from the concentration camps).

My point? Let’s stay safe this Christmas and make the best of it. Tier 4 has clipped your wings, ruined your plans and you won’t be going to Spain or feeding your Aunty or hugging your gran and that is really sad. But no doubt in the last 9 months you have been able to teach them how to do FaceTime and Zoom.

So enjoy the technology we have that allows you to be in touch with the people you love at Christmas. We all look forward to the day when we can safely hug one another again.

Happy Christmas xx

Facebook? – One reader says: “Alas the only solution to this is (literal) civil war”

On 25th April this year, I wrote a somewhat tongue-in-cheek blog entitled:

ARE THE FACEBOOK POLICE ABOUT TO BAN ME BECAUSE OF MY SEXUALLY RISQUÉ NAME?

Today it received a reader comment from someone calling himself or herself or ‘they’selves ‘Republican Realism’ which I print in its entirety below.

I am keeping schtum…

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(Photograph by Vlad Tchompalov via UnSplash)

Alas the only solution to this is (literal) civil war. In every country. Scorching the earth clean of, firstly, those who believe in copyright – meaning those who believe journalism, music, “design” or any form of “talk” constitutes actual productive “work” (it doesn’t). And secondly those who believe that there is any such thing as an original thought (there isn’t). And war on those who believe in such crimes against logic and reality itself as anti-“hate speech” laws, laws that conflate fiction/hypothesis with fact (not just the “cartoon porn laws” but all laws pertaining to threats and “conspiracies”) and all those who believe that their interpretations of anything anyone “communicates” (sic) invalidate the “communicator”‘s own intentions. Fact: Your feelings exist only in your own head. Therefore they don’t exist and are no-one else’s business. But this cannot be explained to people who are incapable of rational perception. They are an intractable threat to the sane, the competent, And you know what we do to intractable threats. Ownership is inherently abusive, and governance inherently destructive. Alas, governance cannot be transcended. To turn the other cheek is to be complicit.

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Schtum. That’s what I am keeping.

 

The continuing fascination with suicide

I have written this blog since May 2010 and I have a rough idea how the hits on it work.

On the day I post a blog, it gets big hits.

Slightly less hits the next day.

By the third day, the hits have pretty much stopped.

After that, pretty much – nothing.

Only rare, sporadic hits.

So I find it interesting that, almost every day, one particular blog I wrote pretty much two years ago – on 15th January 2015 – is still getting daily hits.

Not big hits in any way. Small numbers. But steady hits.

The blog was headlined:

THE PRACTICALITIES OF PUTTING YOUR HEAD IN A GAS OVEN: MY 2nd SUICIDE ATTEMPT

These are the figures for hits over the last fortnight. They seem fairly steady. The fact there are any at all for a two-year-old blog is extraordinary. The fact that they are regular and fairly steady is interesting.

Sunday 20th – 38
Monday 21st – 23
Tuesday 22nd – 22
Wednesday 23rd – 12
Thursday 24th – 15
Friday 25th – 26
Saturday 26th – 29
Sunday 27th – 38
Monday 28th – 46
Tuesday 29th – 28
Wednesday 30th – 34
Thursday 1st – 68
Friday 2nd – 59
Yesterday – 39

I have no idea what this means sociologically, but it must mean something.

The blog is HERE.

Missing blogs, John Gielgud’s gay porn, James Bond’s toilet and Tony Hancock

Typical reaction to WordPress’ efficiency

My daily blog has not appeared for a couple of days because WordPress, which hosts it, had some technical problem which meant it was impossible for me to save or post anything. And, even if you pay them, they do not provide Support – you have to post on user forums with no guarantee of any response from anyone.

Giving them grief on Twitter seemed to have some slight effect – eventually. To a partial extent. I got this message:

Let us know if we can help with anything! Here’s how to export your content and take it with you.

I replied:

It might have been useful if WordPress could have sorted out the technical problem which means I cannot post any blogs. I might have thought WordPress would be more concerned with their software not working rather than helping people to leave.

After WordPress getting more Twitter and Reddit grief orchestrated by this blog’s South Coast correspondent, Sandra Smith, I got some reaction from a WordPress ‘staff’ member (whom you apparently can’t contact normally) – which was minimal and apparently transient, as I have heard no more from him.

But, about three hours later, when I tried again, the problem had disappeared. I had changed and done nothing. So I can only assume WordPress corrected the fault and never bothered to tell me.

As Facebook Friend Alias Robert Cummins succinctly put it: WordPress is amazingly shit, in all sorts of tiresome and complex ways, which I’d really rather not go into this late in the evening.

That is his real name, by the way – the one he was given at birth – Alias Robert Cummins. It is a bizarre story and one probably worth a blog at some point.

Anyway, the problem was eventually solved (I hope it has been, anyway) with the help not just of Sandra Smith but also the excellent cyber-guy and indefatigable Malcolm Hardee Comedy Awards Show person Stephen O’Donnell.

John Ward’s toilet accessory has a gun, silencer and loo roll

In the two days of missing blogs and navel-gazing, the world still turned, with John Ward, designer of the increasingly prestigious Malcolm Hardee Comedy Awards getting some publicity in Lincolnshire of all places because today the James Bond film SPECTRE is released and, a couple of years ago, John designed a combined gun-rack and toilet paper holder.

He used to own a gun licence himself: something that never made me sleep easy in bed.

When no new blogs were being posted the last couple of days, the old one getting most hits was last Wednesday’s blog, about David McGillivray’s new short film of a previously un-produced gay porn script Trouser Bar written in 1976 by Sir John Gielgud.

David McGillivray (left) during the filming with Nigel Havers

The film (still in post-production) includes performances by Julian Clary, Barry Cryer and Nigel Havers. One blog reader user-named ‘Ludoicah’ commented:

I’d say with a cast that includes Nigel Havers and Barry Cryer that there is zero chance of this being any sort of a porn film, gay or otherwise, and it is probably, at most, a mildly risqué sketch.

To which David McGillivray replied:

Incorrect. It’s utter filth, liable to deprave and corrupt. I was blindfolded while I was producing it.

Sir John Gielgud’s script was inspired, it seems, by his love of men in tight trousers, particularly trousers made from corduroy.

Last Thursday, the day after my blog on the film appeared, the following was posted (with photo) on Trouser Bar’s Facebook page:

Trouser Bar still – corduroy trousers un-creamed by Sir John

I’ve just seen the rough cut. Sir John would have creamed his corduroy jeans at this close-up.

It also quoted Sir John’s letter to Paul Anstee of 19th October, 1958:

“The students at the schools and universities [in Pennsylvania] are a wonderful audience, and a good deal of needle cord manch is worn (very badly cut, and usually only partly zipped!) so my eyes occasionally wander.”

Also posted on the Trouser Bar Facebook page was this quote from a Galton and Simpson comedy script for Hancock’s Half Hour in 1958:

Sid: “Hilary St Clair.” 

Tony: “Hilary St Clair? I bet he’s all corduroys and blow waves”

with the comment:

Even in the 1950s it seems that corduroy was associated with homosexuality.

All this, plus a photo on my blog of Sir John Gielgud with Sir Ralph Richardson in Harold Pinter’s No Man’s Land, made Anna Smith – this blog’s occasional Canadian correspondent – ask::

I wonder what kind of porn Ralph Richardson wrote?

and to mention:

Comedian Tony Hancock – Is this the face of a 1950s criminal?

I bought a Tony Hancock album last week at a junk shop. A woman wondered to me whether he was a criminal.

“He wasn’t a criminal,” I said, a bit annoyed. ”He was a comedian!”

“He looks like a criminal,” the woman countered, doubting my certainty.

“It was the 1950s,” I said, exasperated. “Everyone looked like a criminal back then.”